All parents want their children to share and cooperate with others. Toddlers and preschoolers are just learning how to socialize and how to share, and as a parent, you need to help them learn. We often tell our young children to share or to cooperate, but this is like telling them to multiply or to divide. They do not know how to share, so it does not do any good to tell them to do it. You need to show them how to share and show them why they need to share.
Here are some ways parents can promote sharing and cooperation and prevent conflicts with sharing.
Show Them How to Share
Instead of telling them to take turns, show them how to take turns. If a little boy and little girl are fighting over a toy, for example, explain that the little boy will play with it for a short while and then it will be the girl’s turn. Help her find another toy to play with until it’s her turn. After a short while, remind the little boy that it is the little girl’s turn with the toy. Then, if necessary, help him find something else to play with. Praise him for remembering to give her a turn, and praise her for waiting patiently.
Alternatively, show them how to play with the same toy together, such as rolling a ball or pushing a truck back and forth to each other. Games such as these foster cooperation in children.
Prevent Conflicts with Sharing
If you are hosting several children in your home, have two or three of the same toy so youngsters do not have to share. If this proves impossible, have several of the same type of toy, such as several dolls or several cars.
Also, because toddlers find it difficult to share materials from a common pile, divide the toys into separate piles for each child. If you make it clear that one pile belongs to this child, and another pile belongs to that child, you will avoid a lot of arguments among the children.
Another way to alleviate problems is by helping your children put away favorite toys before any playmates arrive. This will not only prevent conflicts with sharing, but also prevent toys from accidentally getting broken. Also, if you are visiting someone else and your child wants to bring a special toy, remind him that he will have to share it with the other children. Encourage him to leave it at home or in the car, or suggest that he chooses something else.
Also, remind your toddler that his toys remain his. Reassure him that his friends will not take his toys home with them.
Teach Them Why They Need to Share
Adults share because we care about the other person’s feelings and because it makes us feel good to make others happy. Give your children opportunities to help other children so they will learn that it feels good to help others. For example, let them pass out the snacks or show another child how to build a puzzle.
Help children learn to recognize other people’s feelings by specifically pointing out the consequences of their actions. Tell them, “Brendon is crying because you took his toy away. How do you think he feels? How did you feel when someone took your doll away from you?”
Praise good behavior by being specific, too. Don’t just say, “How nice of you.” Instead, say something like “You shared because you’re the kind of person who likes to help others. You’re a good friend to Brendon. Look how happy he is that you shared your toy.”
Read stories about sharing and talk about them. You can use books about sharing, such as Mine!: A Sesame Street Book about Sharing by Linda Hayward, I Am Sharing by Mercer Mayer, Harriet’s Halloween Candy by Nancy L. Carlson, and It’s Mine by Leo Lionni. Or you can bring up the topic of sharing as it comes up in other stories, such as the seven dwarves sharing their home with Snow White.
Finally, teach by example. Let your children see you sharing, cooperating and being considerate of others, and they will try to imitate you.
Despite your best intentions and preventive measures, issues with sharing will likely crop up anyway. Just try to take it all in stride.
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